Living with a difficult partner
by
Sandra Nwangwu
Having to live day after day being married to a person who has either over the years or whatever length of time, proven to be most difficult and a pain to bear is indeed a whole lot to put up with. It gets even more complicated in cases where there are children caught in the middle and we feel trapped. Sometimes we find ourselves with partners who in truth are totally undeserving of our love and the sacrifices we make. As a result, we feel drained, tired, frustrated and unhappy or probably at our wits end. Then we ask: What do I do? How do I deal with this big mess?
Is divorce an acceptable option?
Certainly, as individuals, we have the free will to decide whether or not we wish to end a marriage. But, we need to recognise the truth getting a divorce is no picnic and more importantly, what the Bible says about divorce and why. In the Bible, we find only two clear acceptable reasons for divorce namely: marital unfaithfulness (Matthew 19:9) and being abandoned (I Corinthians 7:15). Now it is good for us to understand why the Bible puts such restrictions on divorce. Firstly, it is for our own benefit, because for one, the divorce process as we know it is not an easy one and it’s a very draining process, both emotionally, psychologically and financially. Worse still, it takes its toll on children where children are involved. Secondly, getting a divorce essentially involves ripping apart something that has been joined together to become one and the process always ends up scaring or breaking one or both parties involved. God knows all of these and much more, He understands and feels the pain that we feel and so He doesn’t want us to go through such pain. Even in situations where the Bible does expressly permit divorce, say marital unfaithfulness, even in such situations, there is a whole lot of pain and heart ache involved. In addition, God wants us to take marriage seriously (Hebrews 13:4), because marriage is a sacred promise and when we enter into a marriage commitment, we give our vow, promises and our word to our partners. And our word, which we give to our partner before God, man and the law, should count for something.
Therefore, as Christians, getting a divorce should not ideally be our first option or choice of line of action. Instead, we should do all we can to resolve whatever issues there are in a marriage. We should practice forgiveness and patience with our partners and roll up our sleeves in order to resolve differences and get through difficult phases. It is by no means an easy task, but we’ve got God and when we ask Him for strength and help, He will give us. We could also involve loving third parties but please be most careful about who you get involved in your marriage issues. Because we don’t want a situation where the third party come along and makes matters worse. Counselling, either as a person or as a couple could also be a good place to start. Above all, we ought to speak to God constantly about our marriages and whether the going is good or bad.
I have decided to stay in an ‘unhappy’ or ‘difficult’ marriage, how do I manage this?
