How to make the most of being single…

by Dan Preston

“You are single for a reason” - possibly THE most frustrating phrase any single Christian can hear (apart from: “you should try speed dating”). Often the sentence is uttered by people who believe they are having a reaffirming, reassuring impact upon our current state of mind; in reality it can spark a real feeling of despair and anxiousness as we search for a companion.

But what does it mean to have a “calling to be single”, and why would God put us in such a situation against our will?

I would suggest that such a call doesn’t have to be as infinite as people imply. As Christians we happily acknowledge God’s guiding hand on our lives and actively seek the faith we require to walk with Christ in any situation that comes our way. We all know that God has our futures mapped out, right? We are all aware of the amazing miracles God has performed in our lives and the ways in which he has lifted us when no one else has. So it’s not strange to imply that we have been called for specific periods in our lives, depending on our own individual circumstance.

I know a lady who, for years, talked of her lifelong commitment to celibacy. Having been single for the first 45 years of her life she often discussed how God has empowered her to help and advise other single Christians through drawing on her own experiences. Then God changed her life. She met a man with whom she had a lot in common with and they struck a friendship that slowly developed into a meaningful, Christ-centred relationship. Fast forward five years and they are happily married and serving a small community in China, spreading the word of the Gospel to hundreds who so desperately need it. As great as the conclusion of this story is, the first 45 years of this ladies life were just as important, as she was able to minister to countless single people who would otherwise have no one else to turn to.

God calls us to be single for periods of our lives; we need to acknowledge that this is for our own good. A man much wiser than me once made the observation that our lives are made up of seasons. Often those of us experiencing less enjoyable times feel as though we are on a slippery slope and nothing we do can prevent us from spiralling down further. However it’s all about how we respond during our low seasons, and how we conduct ourselves in the face of extended periods of draught. For those of us in situations such as this we must abandon our damaging sense of disappointment which often turns to self-pity and instead turn our minds to more constructive thoughts such as “how has this period of being single benefitted either myself or others?” For example dedicating our lives to another person can result in us missing opportunities to serve God. Maybe the lack of a partner during certain periods of life prevents us from falling into certain worldly sins. Furthermore an intense relationship can have a pejorative impact upon the one connection we should treasure and hold above any earthly ties – the eternal bond we have with our God and Savoir.

It is of high importance to recognise the fact that we are not alone in our thoughts. There are hundreds and thousands of people thinking and feeling exactly as we do. Plenty of groups and events exist where Christians can meet together and get to know new friend - there are local societies and communities providing places to go and people to meet. If you aren’t familiar with any in your area, why not set one up yourself – using your Church’s networks? There are also vacations, such as French House party, hosted by Spring Harvest Holidays, which presents a fantastic opportunity to meet like-minded Christians, in a relaxed environment. The holiday, taking place at the start of September, is set in a luxury four-star holiday park in Western France and includes activities, excursions and worship.

Something we need to focus on is ensuring that we do not become down beat, but revel in our current circumstances and thank God for the opportunities He has given us throughout our lives. More significantly, we must recognise the importance of taking a back seat and reassert our faith in God and trust in the way He uses us for His kingdom’s glory.