I am a Christian and I love God sincerely, but I am not getting any younger and I have remained single for a long time. I wish to honour God in any relationship I enter into but I either do not have any emotional attachment to any of the Christians around me or I hardly ever meet another single Christian with whom I connect. Then what? Do I go online and try to meet someone through Christian dating websites or do I just wait? Do I let my friends and or family set me up on ‘blind dates’?

There are different sides to this question or rather line of thought. But firstly, we must establish that the Bible does not categorically address this issue. However, what we do find in the Old Testament are records of parents making recommendation to their children as to who to take for a wife or a husband. Whilst this may stimulate some debate, our focus here is the truth that in the records of the Old Testament, we find stories of recommendations (Isaac and Rebecca, Rachael and Jacob), also stories of two people whose paths just happen to cross (David and Abigail) and stories of people who actively go out of their way to seek and find their partners (Ruth and Boaz).

So having laid the foundation as to what the Bible does record, we can now proceed to work our way through finding answers. In no particular order at all, we would look at a number of stories from the Bible and take relevant pointers.

Firstly, we start with records of parents recommending to their children where to go in order to find their partners. It is important to keep in mind that there is no record of any one being forced into a marriage. We start with the story of how Isaac came to be married to Rebecca. Abraham the father of Isaac charged his servant with the responsibility of finding a partner for his son and in doing so he only recommended a particular family from which a wife should be chosen. He did not specifically name any lady and thus, left the option still open as to who the young lady would be Genesis 24:4. In addition, Rebecca was not forced to go and be married to Isaac, she was actually asked as to whether or not she wished to go – Genesis 24:57 and lastly, the Bible records that Isaac loved Rebecca – Genesis 24:67. Another record is the story of Jacob and Rachael. Here again we find Isaac simply recommending a particular family but he leaves the option open as to who in particular Jacob was to take for a wife (Genesis 28:2). And we find that Genesis 29 records that Jacob did really fancy Rachael when he saw her.
The pointer in these Bible stories is that it is alright for family members and friends to make recommendations or as the case may be set us up with people they believe would be good for us. But, where we do not take a liking to the persons being recommended, we have the choice and freedom to walk away.

We also have the story of Ruth and Boaz (Ruth 2, 3 and 4) which records how Ruth and Boaz meet each other. Boaz extends a hand of kindness and friendliness to Ruth and this lasts for as long as the harvest season and thus, their friendship grows. In the end, Ruth is the one who asks Boaz to marry her and he does accept. Here, Ruth desired to be married again and so she takes the necessary steps and does the ‘asking’, although we see Naomi acting as an adviser in all of this. But ultimately, it is Ruth that takes the bold steps.

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Dealing with sex and sexuality in a romantic relationship where both partners are of the Christian faith is a subject-matter that is hardly ever addressed wholesomely, but is the elephant in the room. In this section we will be deailing with: Your partner wants more Managing your own sexual desires Dealing with pre-marital sex Where are the limits?

There has been much debate on this subject with some denominations advocating that providing the couple are in a long term committed relationship it is OK to have sex in this scenario. However, even though there is pressure from the media and many people have taken the world’s point of view, it is important to establish what the Bible says about this.

If we look at various passages it is clear that as Christians we are encouraged to save sexual relations for marriage. (1 Cor. 7 v 2 Acts 15 v 20 Galatians 5 v 19 and Hebrews 13 v 4). These are the bench marks and it is important that we understand this important subject because it will help us better appreciate what is expected from us. The Bible gives us this high standard for good reasons and these reasons are more for our benefits and protection than anything else. Here are a number of reasons:

1. Sex is essentially marriage. In the Old Testament, we find no records of any marriage ceremony but instead what we find is that couples engaged in sexual relations and were thereafter deemed to be married. When a couple have sex, they literally become one, because there is a merging or a coming together of two different people and this merge without a doubt brings two people closer together and very intimate. In more recent times, we have marriage ceremonies in which a couple make a ‘marriage commitment’ through their vows and promises made to each other, and then they are deemed to be married. But, it is only when such a ‘marriage commitment’ is consummated through sex that it is complete.

2. We need to protect ourselves from having many sexual partners, because we will be in danger of sexually transmitted diseases, finding ourselves pregnant with babies that we are probably not prepared for and using our partner to satisfy our lust, rather that love.

3. As the sexual act is so intimate we leave ourselves open to getting deeply wounded or hurt. Sexual relations normally creates an intimate bond which whenever broken can cause a whole lot of pain and heart ache.

4. As Christians we are called to be different and our lives should show this in the way we respond to keeping our bodies pure, as a living sacrifice for the high calling of being a disciple of our Lord Jesus.

Lastly, be careful not to enter into unnecessary arguments as to whether or not you have made the right choice in deciding to save sex for marriage. Because, the lines of arguments that may be brought forward may sound convincing, resulting in a wrong seed/idea being placed in your mind. Please don’t be worried about whether or not you and your partner will be or are sexually compatible. The truth is that sexuality comes natural and if we love each other as we ought to, we will want to satisfy our partner and will take the time to learn how to do this, which will result in a closer bond and to really enjoy sex in the way that God intended.

When two people join their lives together, how do they decide on direction? What if one has habits or tastes that annoy the other? What if their priorities are different? Secular marriages have no clear answer to these questions. Generally, counselors suggest couples should compromise or take turns in decision making. But these solutions don't always work. Spouses wind up saying, "We decided your way last time," and we open a new source of conflict. Then there's this one: "I think this would be a good compromise." "No, this would be a compromise!" Similarly, consider how you would feel in this scenario: "We decided my way about which movie to see last night, but now we have to decide your way on which house to buy!"

Both trading-off and compromising may be useful in some situations, but are often problematic. Some decisions won't allow for compromise. Suppose a couple does not agree in which area of town to live. If they compromise, they may end up living in an area they both hate. This is why, in real life we find that the more powerful partner usually compels the weaker to comply with his or her agenda. Powerless partners have to decide how much they are prepared to take. The choice seems to be either slavery, perpetual power struggles or flight. Other couples don't have a clearly more powerful spouse, and may engage in constant wrangling over even the smallest things.

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Having to live day after day being married to a person who has either over the years or whatever length of time, proven to be most difficult and a pain to bear is indeed a whole lot to put up with. It gets even more complicated in cases where there are children caught in the middle and we feel trapped. Sometimes we find ourselves with partners who in truth are totally undeserving of our love and the sacrifices we make. As a result, we feel drained, tired, frustrated and unhappy or probably at our wits end. Then we ask: What do I do? How do I deal with this big mess?

Is divorce an acceptable option?
Certainly, as individuals, we have the free will to decide whether or not we wish to end a marriage. But, we need to recognise the truth getting a divorce is no picnic and more importantly, what the Bible says about divorce and why. In the Bible, we find only two clear acceptable reasons for divorce namely: marital unfaithfulness (Matthew 19:9) and being abandoned (I Corinthians 7:15). Now it is good for us to understand why the Bible puts such restrictions on divorce. Firstly, it is for our own benefit, because for one, the divorce process as we know it is not an easy one and it’s a very draining process, both emotionally, psychologically and financially. Worse still, it takes its toll on children where children are involved. Secondly, getting a divorce essentially involves ripping apart something that has been joined together to become one and the process always ends up scaring or breaking one or both parties involved.

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